Lyrics

Computer doesn't work for me
I had a Sinclair back in 1983
OL2QU pre-warranty
And don't forget he's still up to it, that Steve Albini 
He's in collusion with Virgin Trains against me

I'm a fifty-year-old man
I'm a fifty-year-old man
But it won't get me

Go down Manchester town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't compare with it
One third of security is cows
I can't understand that
Again
You're not real boy
I say you're not real boy
You're a gym ...
You're a cancer and I expect a little shit 

I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it 
I got a three-foot rock hard-on
But I'm too busy to use it
I'm a fifty-year-old man
I'm a fifty-year-old man
What you gonna do about it?

I go round a hotel
I see "Throw the towel on the floor" on The Green Man
I throw it on the floor and I piss in it

I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it

I'm trying to ...
And don't forget you try to destroy me
You're in collusion with the trains
Don't try and kid me
I'm a fifty-year-old man
Go down to the town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't get in there

I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it
I'm a fifty-year-old man
What're you gonna do about it?

And don't forget, you tried to destroy me, Steve Albini
You're in collusion with the trains
Don't try and kid me

I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it
I'm a fifty-year-old man
What're you gonna do about it?

I've got a three-foot rock hard-on
But I'm too busy to use it
I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it
I'm a fifty-year-old man
What're you gonna do about it?

Go down Manchester town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't compare with it

I'm a fifty-year-old man and I like it
I'm a fifty-year-old man
What're you gonna do about it?

And don't forget he's still up to it
An inferior product mess
An inferior product man
Just over two-thirds the price
I'm proud of it
I'm proud of it
I'm a type of guy who knows what is on CD
And then they lecture me on turning rubbish out
While shouting themselves out of existence
If they care so much, why don't they try eating some of those cardboard cut-outs themselves
And they stuff the complementary catering down their neck
Do the fifth retake of their attempt to be scruffy on a train
And go back to counselling and communicating
I'm an inferior product man
I'm an inferior product mix
They call me "Bad Head"
Don't you ever forget it
And here is the fade out
Fade out
Fade out

Footnotes

1. Steve Albini (1962 – 2024) was asked about his inclusion in the lyrics of this song on the Oh! Brother podcast, hosted by Paul and Steve Hanley, released 14 March 2022. He was unable to explain it, but speculated that perhaps some third party had bent MES’ ear at length about Albini on a train or at a railway station, thus stirring up some kind of proxy resentment. He denied that he had ever offered to ‘produce’ The Fall, or that anyone from The Fall camp had ever approached him to do so. ↩︎
2. I think “cancer” is a straightforward insult, rather than extrapolating someone’s character from their astrological sign. But I cannot rule out that it could be the latter. ↩︎
3. This line is surely a reference to the lyric of the outro of Alice Cooper’s 1970 single “Eighteen” (or “(I’m) Eighteen”), where the doubt and confusion of the rest of the song is contradicted: “I’m eighteen and I like it”. ↩︎

Sources / Links

• The Annotated Fall: “50 Year Old Man” [Archived]
• Ford, Simon (2003). Hip Priest: the story of Mark E Smith and The Fall. London: Quartet Books.
• Mackay, Tommy (2018). 40 Odd Years of The Fall. Place of publication unknown: Greg Moodie.
• Pringle, Steve (2022). You Must Get Them All: The Fall on Record. [paperback edition]. Pontefract: Route Publishing Ltd. [Online store]
• Smith, Mark E. (2008). vII. The Lough Press & AMarquisManipulationProductions. [AKA the Blue Lyrics Book]
• The Track Record: “50 Year Old Man”
• Wikipedia: “I’m Eighteen” (Alice Cooper)
• Wikipedia: Steve Albini